Recently, I started re-watching the CW show Supergirl. I have not seen the show in years, the last time I watched it was probably pre-high school and with a family member that’s no longer here. But this isn’t a review, a memoir or a poem. It’s a comparison.
When I first watched it, I was not conscious enough to understand the deeper meanings behind any words the characters–or rather actors/actresses–said. I didn’t understand what ‘don’t carry the world on your shoulders,’ or ‘finding an outlook for anger,’ meant. I just was like “Oh! Superheroes beat villains cool!” I’d say that journalism in a way is my superhero. I’ve learned to work with people I don’t like and met so many new people. Through journalism I have conquered the idea that I am alone in the world in my crisis. That this weird niche hobby I have is not weird nor niche. That I have mentors that will always know more than I, but that I can also teach. I am never too old to learn and never have learned enough. I will always have my seasonal villain, finale battle, and will always get better the season after.
To name a few heroes, the help tab in all Adobe editing software, Valentine for living through Intro with me, Mr. Miller for being a good sport, and the trash option on the Macs (that I never use). However, with naming heroes, I feel I need to name my main nemesis, my villain of villains, my biggest enemy. Jackson Mail–just kidding, it’s procrastination. (Jackson’s awesome by the way)
Why do we procrastinate things we really enjoy? That’s always been a question I haven’t been able to crack. To my understanding, if I really like pudding, and I eat pudding a lot, why would I tell myself “I’ll eat my favorite treat later, not now,” and then two hours say the same thing? Well I don’t know, pudding is disgusting, but I think it’s because we fear flying. Not literally, but when we get to a place that even has a sliver of power, we worry that we are not fit for it or are upsetting people, and in high school, also are worried we are being the ‘adult,’ and not the fun one when in charge of peers. I want to say, “let’s play this game for the rest of the day, what’s the harm?” Then this responsible guilt-tripping little voice whispers to me, “do you want to go back to the days of no sections except features?” “Do you want to be the social justice section editor again and forever?” And I scream “NO PLEASE LET ME GO,” and that tends to work.
On a serious note, I want to be able to succeed, for many of us to succeed. I miss Eva Andrews, she led well–and strong yet calmingly, she does it even better now in college. I can only hope that like her, and all the other alumni–us seniors–can do the same. Each year, send-off, by send-off, I hope somebody learns that this perennial cycle lives up to something more. I saw the newspaper at the very re-start. Now I leave knowing I had a hand in raising a baby chick, that’s not a baby anymore, but still learning better ways to fly, no, thrive. Thank you to the wonderful people who each day make me laugh, deal with me asking a billion questions, and listen to me complain when in reality it’s not that bad. You are my heroes, and I look forward to seeing/hearing you grow. Thank you for reading, and if you’ve understood, thank you more.
